


Short Works and Fandom Meta

by DramaticEntrance



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Character/Pairing Described in Chapter Titles, Multi, Tumblr Archive
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-16
Updated: 2018-12-16
Packaged: 2019-09-20 09:18:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 5,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17019966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DramaticEntrance/pseuds/DramaticEntrance
Summary: A series of shorter, unpolished pieces first published on Tumblr. Archived here for backup/accessibility.





	1. Bodhi Rook Character Meta

**Author's Note:**

> So the Great Tumblr Debacle of 2018 has made me realize I should really have a fandom archive for my less polished pieces/meta. Please note that this is not intended to be new work, or particularly well written/grammatically correct. If you wind up reading through and enjoying, FANTASTIC, but this work's primary purpose is to serve as an archive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Initial prompt by user Prokopetz_
> 
> _**Headcanon:** I can muster a cogent argument for why it would make more sense or make for a better story if this were the case_
> 
> _**Heartcanon:** I don’t have a particular rationale for why this ought to be the case, I just like to imagine it’s true because it gives me the warm fuzzies_
> 
> _**Gutcanon:** it’s not that I actively want this to be the case – it just unaccountably feels like it should be_
> 
> _**Junkcanon:** I like to imagine it’s true because it gives me the other kind of warm fuzzies_
> 
> _**Spleencanon:** I insist that this is the case specifically to spite the author, because, like, fuck you, sir or madam_
> 
> * * *

Tumblr User chamerionwrites asked: Give me all your anatomycanons about Bodhi!

Yesssss, an excuse to talk more about Bodhi. What a delight!

_Fair warning, I haven’t actually read a lot of the EU canon, so I’m not trying to be consistent with it._

**Headcanon** : Bodhi Rook was not conscripted into the Empire, he enlisted. But he enlisted because it was the best option of a bunch of bad ones. His world didn’t have enough money, didn’t have enough jobs, didn’t have enough future for him to stay. He didn’t want to leave, but there was only one good option he could see and he took it. He did his best to be responsible, support his family and his home, but slowly, slowly, he was stripped of his cultural ties. His accent flattened, letters home were delayed, Jedhan robes traded for a uniform. Everything that showed he was anything other than the Empire’s worker.

His hair is his small breath of defiance, grown out as soon as he had enough freedom that it wouldn’t be lopped off by a vengeful flight instructor.

**Heartcanon** : Bodhi is an adrenaline junkie and a halfway decent stuntrider. There’s a reason he wanted to fly fighters, and it wasn’t because he loved killing. He’s addicted to the kick of grav-pull, and inclined to take quite a few more risks than are otherwise sensible. 

**Gutcanon** : He has a sister. I can trace where this one came from, for me, for a while Wookiepedia said that he did, citing the R1 novelization. Turned out the novel was talking about somebody else, but I still like it. She’s named Ananda (which, yes, I know, is a male name, but to my Americanized ears, still sounds very female). She’s older, but not by much, maybe a year or two. By the events of R1, I imagine they aren’t in contact - maybe she’s died, maybe she’s more politically radical and after a bitter argument stopped speaking to him. 

**Junkcanon** : Bodhi’s a switch - he’ll roll over for the right person, but he’s got steel that comes out for the right person too.

**Spleencanon** : Okay, look, we can all agree that Bodhi is a bit…jittery…in the movie, right?

The movie where he was fleeing a giant military-industrial complex.

And then was tortured.

And locked in a cell.

When he knew there was a planet killer on the loose.

And then watched that planet killer blow up his hometown.

And then was dragged off to help a dude he met like, five minutes ago, kill the guy who made enough of an impact on Bodhi to convince him to defect.

And then thrown into the Rebellion who…PROBABLY wouldn’t murder him but there are a lot of senators that look like they would sell him out for two sticks of gum and a gold star from Palpatine. 

And then Chirrut says, “She wants to fight.” And Bodhi says, “So do I.”

GOOD LORD THERE IS SO MUCH FIGHT IN HIM. So, yeah, the spleencanon is that Bodhi is, in fact, incredibly risk-tolerant and his jitter/chatter is a very SENSIBLE outlet to an extremely difficult situation, and had he lived, he would have been an absolute badass.

Wait, no, what am I saying HAD he lived? Clearly he lived.

(aka my other spleencanon)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Initially Posted: 2018-09-27 20:43


	2. Fic Idea: Bodhi/Cassian, Stranded on an Island

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _ Initial prompt by user meridelclarke _
> 
> _Fanfiction Trope Mash-up: A list of 100 tropes_
> 
> _Rules: Send me two (2) tropes from this list + a ship and I’ll describe how I’d combine them in the same story._

Tumblr User semisweetshadow asked: Bodhi/Cassian, Stranded on A Desert Island + Huddling for Warmth

* * *

This one’s gonna be real short because I had an idea that made me laugh. 

Established relationship, Modern AU, they’re out like….sailing or something, their ship has issues, they set up on the island while they’re waiting for rescue AND then it gets REALLY COLD AT NIGHT and they’re huddled together. 

The whole fic is just Bodhi bitching about how it’s a *desert* they should at least be *too hot* not in danger of FREEZING TO DEATH, while Cassian is very patiently trying to explain that sometimes deserts get cold, expecially at night, also the ocean is right there, sea breeze is a thing. And Bodhi is just like, shut up and hold me closer I can’t feel my TOES this is TERRIBLE.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Initially Posted: 2018-10-27 20:33


	3. Fic Idea: Obi-Wan/Satine, Circus!AU

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _ Initial prompt by user meridelclarke _
> 
> _Fanfiction Trope Mash-up: A list of 100 tropes_
> 
> _Rules: Send me two (2) tropes from this list + a ship and I’ll describe how I’d combine them in the same story._

Tumblr User three-tailed-fox asked: 18 and 53 with Obi-Wan x Satine (a bunch of pairings scrambled in my head about this but this was the only coherent one)

* * *

Oooh, okay, Circus AU with a side of Mutal Pining. 

Right so Satine, rules a planet, I think that in this AU that makes her a ringmaster of a smaller boutique circus. The pacifism we’re going to translate as a commitment against animal cruelty, her performers are all human, acrobats and clowns, jugglers and illusionists. 

Her circus, one fateful summer, is contracted to work at a really large fair that runs for like, a month. What makes this setup a bit strange, is that ANOTHER CIRCUS, The Travelling Jedi, is contracted at the same fair, which is…strange. 

This circus has no problem using animals, and tends to get more of an audience, which grates at Satine, but she is a professional. 

It’s just UNFORTUNATE that their main Lion Tamer, Obi-Wan (with his very pretty but very ill-mannered lion, Anakin) is smoking hot, not only physically but also in an…intellectual sort of way? 

“Right. Intellectual,” says Bo-Katan, her sister and trapeze artist. “You definitely want to get all intellectual with him. In bed.” 

“Shush.” 

But yes, in those strange four weeks Satine and Obi-Wan wander over to each other’s respective areas of the fair pretty often, arguing about ethics as often as not. 

“It’s not inherently cruel to use an animal in showbusiness. It can be done ethically, and give people a respect and love for them!” 

“The temptation to exploitation is too great.” 

They fight and they banter and they love it, but no Bo-Katan, they don’t get…intellectual together. All that’s exchanged is one soft kiss, and it carries so much longing in it it nearly breaks her heart. 

But no, even if she could steal Obi-Wan, there’s no room for a lion tamer in her circus, so they go their separate ways. 

And then the first letter arrives. 

It’s rich, it’s witty, and it fills her heart with joy. 

Five years of letters, two meetings in between (she drove five hours for a forty-five minute cup of coffee with him, and counted it time well spent), and then the news informs her: 

“Tragedy struck the Travelling Jedi today, when their star attraction, Anakin the lion, broke free, killing several members until his own trainer, Obi-Wan, was able to put him down. Investigation into the incident…”

“This is GREAT,” says Bo-Katan, “Our circus is going to make bank, I didn’t really believe your weird no-animal stance would pay off but there we go.” 

For two months, Satine hears nothing, so then she sits down, puts pen to paper, and tries to find some way to reach out that doesn’t feel pitying or mocking. 

She finds no words, so just sends, “I’m sorry.” It’s terribly inadequate, and all she can say. 

And then two weeks later, a familiar form darkens the door of her trailer, and she lets him in. 

He doesn’t leave again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Initially Posted 2018-10-27 19:46


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _ Initial prompt by user meridelclarke _
> 
> _Fanfiction Trope Mash-up: A list of 100 tropes_
> 
> _Rules: Send me two (2) tropes from this list + a ship and I’ll describe how I’d combine them in the same story._

Tumblr User dolly-bassett11 asked: Airport/Travel!AU, sleep intimacy Wedge/Bodhi 

* * *

OKAY so this one clearly goes in the Eight Hours/Modern Pilots Universe. This is a universe that already partially exists, with Wedge, Bodhi, Luke, and Poe all being modern airline pilots. 

(For those that haven’t read: Modern Pilots Series - Rated E, the series focuses on Luke/Poe…SO FAR) 

Because (as you know, it’s largely your fault), Bodhi and Wedge are a background pairing that have completely stolen my heart. 

Single and Happy About it (but really always looking for a genuine connection) Bodhi, who is Luke’s best friend in New York, is introduced to Luke’s best friend in San Francisco, My Scowl Chases Away All Potential Partners (but in his heart of hearts is a romantic) Wedge Antilles. The two of them get on EXPLOSIVELY WELL, and go through a high-energy bickering courtship, but eventually settle down, deciding to move in together. 

At this point in their life, they’re both late-forties, and both of them have spent far more time alone in their own beds then they have with company. There’s got to be a bit of an adjustment period, as two very independent men decide to live their life together, and the fic I would write would frame them learning to settle through that.

Featuring:

  * arguing over who gets which side of the bed (they both want to sleep closer to the door, wind up re-arranging the bedroom so the door is on the opposite wall and NOBODY is closer to the door)
  * grumbling and shifting as they both fight to be big spoon (Wedge wins that one, most of the time, Bodhi grumbles but Wedge has really comfortable arms so he doesn’t grumble too much)
  * preferred blanket density (Wedge insists he only needs a sheet, Bodhi laughs in his face because it has been too long since Wedge has experienced a New York winter…Bodhi does win that, but not until mid-December, because Wedge is stubborn and also a blanket thief).



Through it all would run this thread of like, genuine glee at having another person around to have these arguments with. They’ve both spent most of their lives single, but neither really wanted that, and as much as they fight, it’s always a joy to have someone to come home to. 

(Also featuring athletic and acrobatic make-up sex, because this is a universe where we are not afraid of porn.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Initially Posted 2018-10-27 14:02


	5. Fic Idea: Bodhi/Cassian/Luke Stranded Hospital!AU

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _ Initial prompt by user meridelclarke _
> 
> _Fanfiction Trope Mash-up: A list of 100 tropes_
> 
> _Rules: Send me two (2) tropes from this list + a ship and I’ll describe how I’d combine them in the same story._

Tumblr User bandvn asked: 73 + 8 for any combination of Luke, Bodhi and Cassian 🙏

* * *

By any combination you mean OT3, right? Right. :D 

So, Hospital AU and stranded due to inclement weather. I can work with this. 

OKAY, so we’ve got Nurse Case Manager Cassian Andor, who works for one of the Major Hospitals but winds up doing a lot of fieldwork - actually going out to the homes of people who have a hard time making it into doctor’s offices. He goes out to visit one Beru Lars, a nice older lady with some mobility issues and a tricky leg wound, he’s going out to make sure her caretaker…nephew Luke, according to his paperwork…is doing an okay job with the wound care. Standard day. 

There are three things that make the day not standard. 

The first is the fact that nephew Luke is about his age, absolutely gorgeous, and one of the most kind-hearted people cynic Cassian has ever met. 

The second is that Luke is accompanied by his boyfriend…

“Bodhi Rook?” 

“CASSIAN?” 

A few years ago, Bodhi and Cassian went to Scarif Community College together, they worked together on the Worst Group Project Ever. Shortly after that project, Scarif Community College got shut down. They’re all just glad their credits transferred. They lost touch after that. This is a nice coincidence. 

(And aw, crap, Bodhi’s just gotten more gorgeous, too) 

But! Cassian has a job to do, Beru’s leg is healing nicely, he makes some nice chat, goes back out to his…

“Where’d my car go?” 

“I’m pretty sure it’s just under all that snow.” 

“Where did all the SNOW COME FROM?” 

So Cassian, COMPLETELY AGAINST HIS WILL, is stuck spending a few hours…days…(frikken storm) with his mind-bendingly hot friend, and his hot friends sweet beautiful boyfriend. 

It WOULD have been miserable, except for the fact that it was too cold for Cassian to sleep on the couch, no really Cassian, our bed is big enough, you want an awkward night’s sleep or do you want to FREEZE CASSIAN, if you don’t get in the bed, Cassian, we’re sleeping out here, yes, good fine, get in here. 

And that leads to some inadvertent cuddling, which leads to some inadvertent groping, which leads to some very much advertent making out and declarations of affection and that’s the story of how Nurse Practitioner Cassian Andor got trapped in a storm and wound up with two boyfriends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tags worth saving: 
> 
> #there's a whole subplot where Beru is very supportive and trying to hook them all up #except Cassian doesn't understand what's going on and he's just like #that's nice #yes Luke is very nice #yes Bodhi is very nice too #(internally: why are you TORMENTING ME)
> 
> Initially Posted 2018-10-27 10:38.


	6. Fic Idea: Luke/Dak, Restaurant AU

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _ Initial prompt by user meridelclarke _
> 
> _Fanfiction Trope Mash-up: A list of 100 tropes_
> 
> _Rules: Send me two (2) tropes from this list + a ship and I’ll describe how I’d combine them in the same story._

Tumblr User islandbetweenrivers asked:: Dak/Luke, Bar/restaurant AU and bathtub fic! :D 

* * *

Alright, for this one, I’m seeing Luke Skywalker as the Head Chef of some restaurant (probably one known for REBELLING against the culinary traditions) (heyooo) with Dak Ralter as his loyal and cheerful Sous Chef. They make a good team, work very well together, and Dak has a crush the size of the moon on Luke, who is oblivious to the fact. 

He is the only one, naturally, the rest of the kitchen spends a great deal of time desperately trying to ignore the fact that their sous chef is flirting with their boss.

This goes pretty well, until they wind up going to a conference somewhere, and wind up sharing a hotel room to save on expenses. Luke ducks out to go do some networking thing, when he comes back to the room, Dak’s not in. Luke shrugs, decides to go take a shower, grabs his PJs and opens the bathroom door and - 

Yeah, you know what’s coming. Now, if Dak had been SHOWERING, Luke would have HEARD, but no, he was in the (giant and well-appointed) bathtub, nearly out of sight. And also nearly asleep. Which means that he didn’t protest when Luke came in, and means that Luke was well into the bathroom and halfway out of his clothes before - 

“AGH!”

“ACK” 

There is blushing and fumbling and, “Sorry, I was just going to shower, I’ll - ”

and then Dak comes back with, “Or you could just join.” 

And look, Luke is aware that Dak is flirty. That’s just how he is. 

(this is not just how he is) 

But that line was finally enough to break through Luke’s obliviousness, because, no, that is not something you just say for the sake of saying it. 

And he finds…

Well, damn, Dak is really pretty, isn’t he? 

They have a lovely bath, and a very nice conference (that they wind up skipping most of in favor of…we’re going to call it professional relationship development), and when they get back to the kitchen a LOT of money changes hands, with Rey, Luke’s are-you-even-old-enough-to-be-legally-employed protegee taking the pot

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Initially Posted 2018-10-26 18:15


	7. Fic Idea: Bodhi/Cassian, Secret Relationship

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _ Initial prompt by user meridelclarke _
> 
> _Fanfiction Trope Mash-up: A list of 100 tropes_
> 
> _Rules: Send me two (2) tropes from this list + a ship and I’ll describe how I’d combine them in the same story._

Tumblr User semisweetshadow asked:  Secret Relationship + I Didn’t Mean to Turn You On, Bodhi/Cassian

* * *

Okay, so Everyone Lives canon divergent AU, the turning on happens first. Cassian’s out in the field, under fire, things are tight and he’s not sure what his out is going to be. Then Bodhi (who is healing really well, finally got some therapy, taking up old hobbies - including swoop-bike racing) sweeps out of ABSOLUTELY NOWHERE and like LANDS on the attackers, executing the neatest little turn Cassian has ever seen. Cassian jumps on the back of the bike and then Bodhi guns it, Cassian’s heart is in his throat and his blood is somewhere distinctly lower and more obvious. 

They get back to the ship, get to safety, Bodhi can’t quite stop himself from teasing Cassian. Cassian decides that he’s been obvious enough about things that he might as well just go for it, and some DISTINCTLY NSFW things occur before they get back to the Rebellion. 

Which then begins their Secret Relationship. Bodhi assumes this is because they are at War and Cassian must be Grimly Sacrificial, and sure, that’s fine, he’ll play it cool in public and have his fun in private, there’s a lot of storage closets. Besides, he gets these amazing soft moments now, cuddling Cassian after he sneaks into Cassian’s room, giving him little anonymous gifts. It’s good! Bodhi’s happy. 

What Bodhi doesn’t know, is that their relationship is a secret even TO CASSIAN, because he thinks they’ve managed to fall into an oddly affectionate FWB situation, that he has Too Many Emotions about but he is going to be Chill because he is a responsible adult who can definitely handle casual. 

Cassian doesn't figure out they’re actually dating until after Endor, at which point Bodhi proposes and Cassian has a lot of Relational Catching Up to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Initially Posted 2018-10-26 15:22


	8. Fic Idea: Bodhi/Cassian, Historical AU

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _ Initial prompt by user meridelclarke _
> 
> _Fanfiction Trope Mash-up: A list of 100 tropes_
> 
> _Rules: Send me two (2) tropes from this list + a ship and I’ll describe how I’d combine them in the same story._

Tumblr User writinredhead asked:  OOOOH Fanfiction Trope MASH-UP! Time-travel AU & Historical AU foooorrr..... Bodhi and Cassian

* * *

Oooooh, this is a TRICKY ONE. 

Mostly because I don’t know enough history. (wry grin) 

But! I think it would be interesting to make the time-travel piece being a pre-canon Bodhi who is working for the Empire shuttling cargo suddenly hit a Weird Space Thing and wind up in THE FAR FUTURE. 

For him. It’s actually California in the 1960′s, just in time for him to meet a Cassian Andor who is massively involved in United Farm Workers. 

For reference, UFW was a massive social protest for unionizing Farm Workers in the 1960′s, it tied in very strongly with issues of immigrants rights, race and class, and long story short, it’s exactly what I think Cassian Andor would have been doing in our world, around that time. 

As for where the plot goes, that’s a lot fuzzier, I think it has a lot to do with feelings of hopelessness in protesting against entrenched systems, combined with the comedy-of-errors of “what no I am not from outer space what” - probably a sub-plot of Bodhi trying to get his ship fixed so he can go to SPACE again.

And along the way Cassian’s idealism mixed with harsh pragmatic determination mixes in interesting ways with Bodhi’s gentle hopelessness, and they are able to help each other heal.

Bodhi stays on earth with Cassian, but they do get his shuttle fixed, and he takes Cassian on little jaunts around the solar system, just to show him the wonder of the stars.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Initially Posted 2018-10-26 13:42


	9. Fic Idea: Bodhi/Jyn, Detective AU

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _ Initial prompt by user meridelclarke _
> 
> _Fanfiction Trope Mash-up: A list of 100 tropes_
> 
> _Rules: Send me two (2) tropes from this list + a ship and I’ll describe how I’d combine them in the same story._

Tumblr User anonymous asked: Detective AU + Locked in A Room - Bodhi/Jyn

* * *

Ooooh, intriguing. Okay, so, I would write…

Jyn is a private detective, Bodhi is the a cop. Jyn’s got a young face but she’s been in the business too long to still have anything resembling idealism, she started in boarding school, hunting down predators that preyed on her peers. She’s seen the worst that humanity has to offer and she knows: she’s better off alone. 

Bodhi’s new to the force, but he’s got a past that’s dogging him: one part youthful stupid decisions, one part bad neighborhood, mix with institutional racism and simmer. Bodhi got out of the bad situation, but when an old “friend” shows up demanding help, it’s not straightforward to say no, not when said “friend” has enough blackmail materiel to trash his new career (if he’s lucky: that’s still a better result than prison). 

So he hires Jyn to help him out “outside” the law, hating it every moment, he wants to believe that the system could work. Jyn thinks he’s naive, but she’s more than willing to take his money.

Bodhi insists on keeping a hand in, and they’re prowling through his friend’s house when ~stuff happens~ and they wind up locked in a room together. There are footsteps coming, and they are not getting out before they’re discovered. Bodhi gives Jyn a sad smile, and shoves her behind some furniture just as the door opens, he’s dragged off, Jyn is safe. 

And furious. The dumb idiot shouldn’t have sacrificed himself like that. Now she’s going to have to go be all heroic and save him, and nobody has time for this shit. 

(it’s only later that she realizes she never once thought of leaving him behind) 

She saves him, she kisses him, she sends him back to his force with his problem neatly handled. She goes back to her business, figures she’ll never see him again. 

Which is why she’s so surprised when he darkens her doorway, explaining that he really couldn’t in good conscience keep working for the law when he was so easily corrupted. He was wondering, if maybe, she knew of anyone who might be hiring, oh, say, a private detective?

Jyn looks at Bodhi, and decides that, you know what? For the first time since it was founded, Erso Investigations *does* have an opening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tags worth Keeping: #this is of course done up in the finest noir standards #sharp suits and red lips and shoulder holsters #Jyn wears all three
> 
> Initially Posted on 2018-10-26 11:51


	10. The Glorious Ascension of Emperor Solo Quick Fic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so this one started with tumblr user "tilthat" posting: 
> 
> _TIL the Han Dynasty was founded by a sheriff who was transporting convicts when several escaped. Knowing the punishment for this was death, he freed the rest and organized many into a rebel band, eventually going on to help overthrow the ruling Qin Dynasty and install himself as Emperor._
> 
> And then tumblr user copperbadge responded:
> 
> _I know what the Han Dynasty is, I swear, but I’m so used to seeing Star Wars content on my dash that until I hit “Qin Dynasty” I literally thought this was a Star Wars novel about the one time Han Solo took a job for the Empire and I was thinking 1) this is definitely something Han Solo would do and 2) I need to find the title of that novel so I can read it._

My response on lunchbreak, which eventually became refined into the fic [The Glorious Ascencion of Emperor Solo](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14535357): 

Oh. OH. (I am on mobile, apologies for the formatting and lack of readmore. But this story DEMANDED TELLING)

A brief account of the Glorious Ascension of Emperor Solo:

  * It was a job, and the Empire was paying.
  * Did he like using the Falcon for prisoner transport? No.
  * Did he like his continued existance, which he was NOT AT ALL sure would continue if he turned down the offer. Quite a bit, actually.
  * Still, how hard could it be, bunch of drugged and restrained people from one place to another?
  * One day, Han Solo would learn not to ask that question.
  * What do you mean my motivator stopped working?
  * At least we’re near a spaceport.
  * What do you mean the skinny little one woke up?
  * At least he’s still restrained. I’ll just drug him again.
  * WHY AM I UNDOING HIS RESTRAINTS?
  * Aaaand, he’s gone.
  * Kriffing *magic powers* kriffing *old religions* I am going to DIE.
  * Oh, inspection time…yes…of course…we still have all the prisoners? Why wouldn’t we?
  * Aaaand, now the inspection officer is dead.
  * I don’t need you laughing at me. Wait, why are you awake enough to laugh at me?
  * Oh, because you’re a Wookie. Damn it didn’t they drug anyone properly?
  * Yes I do see you are not restrained anym-
  * STOP CRUSHING MY WINDPIPE
  * Look, I enjoy being alive. I will die if I show up without the skinny little mindflayer. Maybe we can work something out.
  * Set everyone free? Sure. Already on it. And then me and my ship will just go…hide in the outer rim for all etern-
  * You want my ship. My life or my ship….
  * I AM THINKING ABOUT IT.
  * Alright, fine, I’ll go with you. Oh no, I am definitely invited along, none of you lot know how to treat my girl right.
  * Stop laughing. What’s your name, anyway?
  * Okay, Chewie, we need a plan. You have a plan?
  * Oh you were a General. I just…set a General free…no big. Nooooo big everything is fine.
  * thisplanhadbetterworkoriamgoingtodieslowlyandpublicly
  * Take over port control and contact the Rebellion. Yes, of course, all for it.
  * goingtodiegoingtodie
  * Hey, this is actually going pretty smoothly. Oops.
  * Yes this is… _give me his I.D._! Commander Ravisk, we are undergoing an emergency drill and I just need…everyone to evacuate, please. Thank you. Have a nice day. Long live the Emperor.
  * That worked pretty well if I do say so myself…is that a Star Destroyer?
  * Kriff.
  * Yes, of course, Admiral Pohlash, I’d be happy to board and discuss the nature of the emergency.
  * I hate this collar, it’s too tight. You sure we can’t just leave? I can outrun a Star Destroyer.
  * Okay, fine, I can’t get everyone on board, warm the ship up, launch, and then outrun a Star Destroyer with all its cannons pointed at me.
  * Yes I am Commander Ravisk, this is my manservant Jimminy.
  * _I really don’t care if you don’t like the name, sell the bit_
  * Hello Admiral. Oh. We’ve met before…um…facial surgery is the new big fad?
  * Yeah, that was always a longshot.
  * A dead Admiral, not like this day can get any worse.
  * One day, Han would learn.
  * Quick, lets get out of here…what do you mean we are no longer over the same planet?
  * WHAT DO YOU MEAN WE’VE BEEN SUMMONED BY A MOFF?
  * Ah, yes, of course, good job…anticipating orders…Ensign. Admiral out.
  * This collar is even worse.
  * Yes, good point, it’s a nice cape.
  * Hello Moff…
  * Yeah, I really shouldn’t be surprised by this point.
  * Sure, whatever, this is Moff Ispsiallion, I’m pleased to announce the celebration of the Emperor’s Half-Birthday! Everyone gets a day off.
  * Maybe we can get out of here.
  * What do you mean we can access the Imperial palace?
  * Why would we want to access the Imperial palace??
  * I’m am *not* going to depose the Emp…
  * Yes, yes, big fan of breathing.
  * Even with Moff clearence codes we couldn’t just walk in there.
  * What if we…no, bad plan.
  * Really, it’s a bad plan, _General_. I’m sure you can think of a better one.
  * Well…we don’t need to walk in there, do we? We’ve got a Star Destroyer. We just need an excuse to get it close enough…
  * What do you mean GOOD PLAN?
  * ORBITAL BOMBARDMENT IS NOT A GOOD PLAN.
  * They did what to your planet?
  * Okay, I’m seeing the benefits of this plan.
  * We’re going to die. You know that, right buddy?
  * Yeah, sure, worthy cause. Never thought I’d get one of those.



A Little Later:

  * Wow, bright eyes, no, I’m not Moff Ispsiallion. Was my youthful good looks or my regicide that tipped you off? I’m Han Solo, and I just killed the Emp-
  * Why are you kneeling?
  * EMPEROR SOLO!?
  * What do you mean forty percent of the fleet has sworn allegiance to me?
  * Orders?
  * Um…I’m going to defer to Grand Moff Chewbacca over here. He’s in charge of your ships, got that?
  * Good…good. I’m just going to go into this little room and lock the door.
  * *muffled screaming*



**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Initially Posted On 2018-02-05 12:21


	11. Obi-Wan Kenobi/Rupert Gyles ficlet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr user Bright_Elen said: @sassysnowperson, no one’s written for it yet, but you said “crossover” and I have a MIGHTY NEED for Obi-Wan/Rupert Giles now.

And I responded: 

I feel you, and I see how it could work, but I am struggling to imagine them as anything but exhausted and British at each other. 

But let’s write it and see what happens!

Meanwhile, in Improbable Crossover Land: 

Anakin ran the monster through with his lightsaber. He closed the lightsaber and turned back to Obi-Wan, “That’s another one down - ” was as far as he got before the monster lept at his back and attempted to sink its fangs into Anakin’s neck. 

“I stabbed you!” Anakin said, deeply offended, as he dodged out of the way and sliced off the monster’s arm. 

Out of nowhere, some bouncy blond girl with a face full of death rolled up behind the vampire and stabbed it with a _twig._ And it _exploded_. Anakin was deeply offended. 

Obi-Wan watched in despair as his padawan proceeded to argue with his savior over the relative merits of a glowing technological wonder versus pointy tree bits. He seemed to keep running up against the fact that the sharpened plant parts _worked_ , but that doesn’t stop him from arguing anyway. 

“I should probably put a stop to that,” Obi-Wan muttered, mostly to himself. 

“Good Lord, if you’ve found a way to stop teenagers from being melodramatic you owe it to the world to share your discovery.” 

Obi-Wan turned, raising an eyebrow at the besuited bespeckled blond man behind him. He gave the man a small smile. “To be fair, I said should. I never specified that I _could.”_

The man gave a small chuckle and extended his hand. “Rupert Giles, I’m with her.” 

Obi-Wan took the hand, “Obi-Wan Kenobi, and I refuse to claim any association with the young man currently arguing that because the sun is plasma and his sword is plasma, he _should have_ been able to melt them, despite all evidence to the contrary.” 

Rupert sighed, “At least he has an investigative mind.”

“The trouble is in focusing it.” 

“Isn’t it always.” Giles gave Obi-Wan a considering once-over. There was a certain heat that grew behind his eyes. “Mister Kenobi, can I buy you a drink? I have a feeling we have a great deal of commiseration we could share.” 

“That sounds…acceptable.” Obi-Wan paused for a moment, clearing his throat before saying, “Technically it’s not Mister. It’s Master.” 

Giles gave Obi-Wan a wry smirk. “Let’s save titles like that until after the third date, shall we?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Initially Posted 2017-08-08 22:08 
> 
> This one might be worth polishing into a separate fic. But until I get the time to proofread and stuff, here it lives.


	12. Wonder Woman RPG (Fandom: Wonder Woman 2017)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just had a lot of RPG player feelings after watching Wonder Woman

GM: Alright, so we’ve got a fancy party, high ranking officers inside, how are we going to do this.

Steve, the lawful good rogue: Alright, I’m going to take the night to do prep, that should give me advantage on my disguise self check. I’m going to go, get the information, the rest of you stay out here, I’ll meet up with you soon. 

Everyone else: Sounds good.

Diana, the lawful good paladin: Um, no. 

Steve: Your bluff is abysmal and this is not where we kill people. 

Diana: No. 

Steve: Please.

Diana: *silence*

Steve: I’m going to take that as a yes. 

(Steve should not have taken it as a yes)

Later: 

Diana: I go to the party. 

GM: In your current clothes?

Diana: No. I will find someone with a suitable outfit. I will check to see if they are evil, and then knock them out and steal their clothes. 

GM: Make a perception roll to see if there’s magically a…

Diana: I have an excellent perception modifier. Twenty-five. 

GM: Fine. There’s a lady in a nice blue dress. She’s drunk.

Diana: Is she evil?

GM: Yes, she’s evil. Roll an attack roll, this is a surprise attack. 

Diana: (rolls a two) 

Steve: There’s no way that’s going to-

Diana: Eighteen to attack. 

GM: I don’t know why I even bothered making you roll. 

Later: 

Diana: I am at the party. I stab Ares.

Steve: The man you think is Ares.

GM: More importantly, you don’t have your sword. The guards would have noticed a sword. 

Diana: I stuffed it down the back of my dress. 

GM: You…what? Fine. Roll a…slight of hand? No. Disguise self. Roll a disguise self check. 

Diana: (natural 20) 

GM: Good….good. Sure. Your hilt is sticking out but everyone thinks it’s a fashion statement. In fact, you have defined German fashion for the next six months as people try to affix odd metal designs between their shoulder-blades. 

Later: 

Steve: I try to stop her before she can. 

GM: Okay, Diana, what’s your armour class?

Diana: Nineteen. 

GM: No, without armour. 

Diana: I am still wearing my armour.

GM: *hides face in hands* I…no, I gave you the sword but there is no way you are wearing a fancy party dress with your armour underneath. 

Steve: Actually, her armour’s pretty formfitting. It would fit under most dresses.

GM: Now you’re on her side?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tags worth saving: #guys #as I typed this up #I realized there is a whole campaign here #Diana is so overpowered because she wasn't supposed to get into that tower #the GM definitely planned for Diana and Steve to go on some low-level quests first and slowly be granted powerful magic items #instead #Diana goes #I jump across the ravine #There's no way that...wait #your athletics is WHAT?? #This is the story of a very exasperated GM #who can't bring themselves to nerf Diana #because she is clearly having so much fun
> 
> Initially Posted 2017-06-06 08:46


End file.
